What are New Years resolutions? Something that goes in one year, and out the other!

An old married couple was in church one Sunday. The woman turns to her husband and says: I've just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do? The hus…

Did you hear about the turkey who plays baseball? He was drafted into the big leagues. He insisted on playing first baste!

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes? A cereal killer.