I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug!
E
Enis
66 entries
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2022-09 2026-04
Type mix
fun fact 4
joke 62
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I gave up my bus seat to a blind lady. That’s how I lost my job as a bus driver!
The first St. Patricks day didn’t happen in Ireland, it happened in New York in 1762. It was organized by Irish soldiers in the British army.
Cleaning with children in the house is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
3-9-26 - Leo - > Nathan - Tesla founder Elon Musk was originally from South Africa. Which is strange, you would think he’s from Mad-at-gas-car!
3-9-26 - Nathan -> Leo - I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me!
I asked Siri on my phone why I’m so bad with women. She said “I’m Alexa you moron!”
I’m installing a new bathroom floor. I’m learning through tile and error!
Once I tried to tell a Star Wars joke… but it was forced!
When two vegans get into an argument, is it still called beef?
Labor Day is the official end of summer - and the end of hot dog season as Americans consume the most hotdogs between [date] and [date].
Hulk Hogan was almost cast as the lead in Terminator instead of Arnold Schwarzenager.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I’m not sure what they’re laced with… but I’ve been tripping all day!
Why didn’t the cow go to school? It didn’t want to become a grade A beef!
Strawberries are not berries.
Bananas and tomatoes are technically berries.
Why doesn’t the developer like vacation? Because there are too many bugs!
Why did the developer go on vacation? To clear their cache and get fresh threads!
Why did the SQL query break up with the JOIN? Because it kept bringing up old relationships!
6-9-25 - Rich - What do you call a tiny mother? Mini-mum!
6-10-25 - Joe - FF - Sea slugs are pseudo-invincible. You can cut off their head and they will grow back! But the average lifespan is only a year.
Why do locksmiths work on Labor Day? Because they are the key workers!
Why can’t basketball players go on vacation? Because they’d get called for travel!
Why do graveyards have gates? Because people are dying to get in!
I once dated a girl who was a Communist. It didn't work out, I should've seen the red flags!
What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi bud!
What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Their flag is a big plus!
I agreed to testify against the people who sold us smuggled diapers. I was put in the wetness protection program. Let’s hope the people overseeing my case don’t let anything leak!
3-13 - Enis - I have a fear of speed bumps, I’m slowly getting over them!
Lazienest sport fourth from rich 2-19
What’s the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish!
An alien tried using dollar bills and said it didn’t make sense. I said “No, it makes lots of sense!”
Why did the snowman go to therapy? Because he was having a serious meltdown!
Why don’t mummy’s take vacations, because they’re worried they’ll unwind!
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will just Let It Go!
Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field!
Rich - FF - James Earl Jones died yesterday and he wasn’t credited in the first two Star Wars movies. (Best known as the voice of Dart Vader)
Why is it cheap to have zombie employees? Because they don’t need a living wage!
What do you get a dog for its birthday, pupcakes!
What are the five circles on the olympic logo. It represents the five inhabited continents. Every country has a flag color in the olympic rings.
When does Friday come before Thursday? In the dictionary!
I’ve chosen to not wear glasses anymore. I’ve seen enough!
Fun Fact: There are more planes in the sea than submarines in the sky!
Fun fact: The first match for Tinder was in Antartica.
What causes dry skin? Vowls?
Google used to be called back rub.
There is no such thing as a fun fact, even a laser beam has curves!
Who is the highest ranked official in a hospital? General officiant!
When I was a kid I wanted to be an astronaut, but my dad crushed those dreams years ago. He always said, “The sky’s the limit”!
Why was the butcher afraid to reach for the meat? Because the steaks were to high!
What do you call a running turkey? Fast food!
I debated a flat earthed once, he said he’d walk around the earth to prove me wrong. I’m sure he’ll come around eventually!
Why do horses have lower divorce rates? Because they have stable relationships!
I found out that I was colorblind yesterday… it came out of the purple!
What do girls call lunch playdates? Barbie Q’s!
To whoever stole my Microsoft office, I will find you... you have my Word!
What does a baby computer call it's dad? Data!
What is red and looks like a bucket? A red bucket! What is blue and looks like a bucket? A red bucket holding it’s breath!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships just don’t work out.
What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is a little heavy, and one is a little lighter!
Zach - What did the Tin man say when he got ran over by the steam roller? Curses, foiled again!
Having one kid makes you a parent, having two kids makes you a referee!
What do you call a sad espresso? Depresso!
What do you call an American Bee? US-Bee!
FunFact: The US classifies sandwiches as 35% meat and no more than 50% bread
I have a fear of speed bumps, I’m slowly getting over them!
Why are vampires never invited to parties? Because they suck the life out of the party!
What do French fries do after a long time? Ketchup!
How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act nuts!
What do you call a turkey the day after Thanksgiving? Lucky!
Who are the greenest presidents? The bushes!
If you see crime happen at the apple store, what does that make you? And I-Witness!
I only know 25 letters of the Alphabet, I don't know Y!
What do you call a factory that makes ok products. Satis-factory!