Joe

A man pushes his car to a hotel and tells the owner he’s bankrupt. Why?

I have branches but no leaves, what am I? A bank?

A Kafka broker walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.” The broker replies, “That’s fine—I’ll just retry until you do.”

FF The guy who invented the MnM Mars and Murry 4-1-26 - Tom -> Adam - Today I saw this little guy climbing down a prison wall. I thought to myself “That’s a little con, descending”.

4-1-26 - Tom - Where does the easter bunny go if he loses his tail? The re-tail store! 4-2-26 - Rich - FF -Average lifespan of a dollar bill is 7.2 years, $5: 5.8 years, $10: 5.7 years, $20: 11.1 years.

4-2-26 - Rich - What kind of medical condition causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency!

4-3-26 - Tom - FF - Some spring plants can literally generate their own heat. Skunk cabbage (Symplocarpus foetidus), which blooms in late winter and very early spring, performs thermogenesis—its flower structure can heat itself enough to melt surrounding snow and ice. This heat also helps spread its smell (often compared to rotting meat) to attract early‑season pollinators like flies and beetles, when few insects are active yet.

While coconut isn’t a nut - people have nut allergies will be allergic to coconut!

Jingle bells was originally written for thanksgiving and not Christmas. It was called “One horse open sleigh”.

What side dish requires a plus one when invited to Thanksgiving dinner? Mac ’n Cheese!

What’s a pilgrims favorite dance? The turkey trot!

We hit a record on Halloween spending this year (2025) 13.1B; 4.3B on costumes, and 1/4 of that is on pet costumes.

What's 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat, and 2/4 goat? Chicago!

The alphabet goes from A to Z. What goes from Z to A? Zebra!

What do you call a guy who’s really loud? Mike.

Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them!

Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

Only one song has reached five million streams on Spotify. Blinding Lights by The Weekend!

Last season there were 200k and change baseballs used in the MLB. Comes out to around 120 a game. They use a fresh ball about every 4 pitches. If you include the number used in warm ups and practices, the number is closer to 900k.

All zodiac signs are off by a month, because when they were made it was ~2500 years ago and the earth has shifted enough over that time to displace the months and signs.

What did Mr. And Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter? Patty!

Firsts in Wisconsin: Ice cream Sunday, US Kindergarten, and Circus

A son says to his dad, “I want to go the the Fifty Cent concert”. His dad hands him a dollar and says “Here, take your sister too.” 7-19-25 - Enis - FF - According to studies Tuesday is the most productive day.

7-20-25 - Adam - I know Roman numerals for funds are controversial but I four 1 am fully in support of them!

Coldplay's original name was Starfish. They initially formed as Pectoralz before settling on Starfish. The name "Coldplay" was adopted later after another band with that name disbanded.

How do trees access the internet? They log in!

The backwards of palindrome, emordnilap, is a word that is different forwards than backwards. Which means palindrome is a emordnilap.

Tatum tore his achilles. Knicks are best team in the league.

The person who makes it sells it. The person who buys it never uses it. The person who uses it never sees it. What is it?

For thirty years, the Bulls and Blackhawks would get kicked out of the united center for 2 weeks because the circus would come to town.

Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white, sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy some more.

In 2014, legendary value investment guru Warren Buffett got in on the March Madness action when his investment company, Berkshire Hathaway, instituted its own bracket challenge. The challenge provided that any perfect-scoring employee—anyone who correctly predicts every game of the men's tournament—would win $1 billion. Over time, this was modified to $1 million, every year, for life. The challenge promised smaller payouts for participants who came close.

What do you call an Irish spider? Paddy Long Legs! 3-18-25 - Enis - What brand of underwear do scientists wear

3-19-25 - Enis - Have you heard of the band 923 Megabytes? Probably not, they haven't had a gig yet!

What is the name of the fastest dinosaur in the olympics? The pronto-sauraus!

Oldest olympian of all time, Oscar Swahn, was 72 years and 280 days old when he competed at the 1920 Antwerp Games. Swahn is also the oldest person to win an Olympic medal (silver) and the oldest gold medalist (at 64), competing in three separate Games between 1908 and 1920.

Honking is illegal in New York!

Pat Riley the former coach of the lakers has a trademark on the term “three-peat”. So the NFL has to license the term from him.

Dribbling wasn’t introduced into basketball until 1901!

Why can’t Monday lift Saturday? Because it’s a week day!

What did the buffalo say to it’s kind on the first day of school? Bi-son!

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated!

A gingerbread man went to the doctor for a sore knee. The doctor asked, “Have you tried icing it?” 1-6-25 - Tom -
Knock Knock Who’s there
Ready
Ready who?
Ready or not, it’s a new year!

1-6-25 - Tom - Not to brag but I already have a date for the new year. It’s December 31st!

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on their side? So when they get back to port, they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!

How do you tell the gender of an ant? Put it in a glass of water. If it sinks it’s a girl ant. If it floats it’s buoyant! 11-20-24 - Joe - The day after Thanksgiving, what did the fridge say when it was asked, "Is everything alright over here?" - “No, everything is all leftover here!"

11-22-24 - Will - I’m addicted to break fluid. But don’t worry, I can stop at any time!

What happens when a potato drinks too much? It get’s mashed!

In 1758, George Washington spent his entire campaign budget on 160 gallons of liquor served to 391 voters.

Hulk Hogan released a new light beer called “Real American”, he’s on the can shirtless and flexing!

What happens if you don't pay the exorcist on time? You get repossessed!

What’s the problem with twin witches? You can’t tell which witch is which!

I can’t see too well without my glasses. I can’t see the other numbers that well either! 10-16-24 - Rich - What is the leading cause of dry skin? Towels!
-> Enis FF - Nitpicker is a job, a lice egg picker, a “nit” picker….

The official NFL football comes from a factory in Ohio?? And is made from a cow in Kansas, Nebraska, ??

What is the best way to put a spaceship to sleep? Rocket!

The first olympic mascot was “Waldy” the Dachshund from Germany!

There are 8 statues of liberties in Paris! They copied us! /s

Paris is not called the city of light because it’s all lit up at night, it’s because it was the first city to have street lights.

My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days, he says it could always be worse, I could be trapped in an underground hole filled with water. I know he means well.

There’s a side hustle called strava junky where people in Indonesia run on your strata account.

Why did the killer whale learn the flute? He wanted to be part of the Orca-Stra! Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty bodies!

What was the most popular dance in 1766? The indie-pen-dance!

John Adams never went to a 4th of July party because he thought it should be July 2 when independence was voted on

The old cloaks in Ikea were made into garments for game of throwns

Fun fact: Kansas state law requires pedestrians to have a taillight while crossing the highway.

When you die, your hair and nails still grow for a couple months.

Most watches in ads are set to 10:10 because it looks like a smiley face and does well with the audience.

Stewardesses is the longest word you can type with one hand. A slot can hold it’s breath longer than a dolphin. ??? - Nathan - Not everyone finds cleopatra beautiful, but that’s how Julius Ceaser!

Painting art used to be a sport, there used to be competitions for painting, cultures, etc between, 1912-948 Christmas - What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia!

No matter how much you much the envelope, it’ll still be stationary. Fun fact - A blob of toothpaste is called a neurdal.

A man ran into the doctors office shouting, “Help me, help me, I’m shrinking!”. The doctor said calm down, you’ll just need to learn to be a little patient! Fun fact - Ketchup was once sold as an indigestion medicine.

A lawyer told a judge my client is trapped inside money. The Judge asks, “In money, what do you meant?” The lawyer goes, “He’s trapped in a penny. He’s in-a-cent!” The other day someone threw a baby at me. I thought, that’s not very mature!

a mushroom walks into a bar a the bar tender quickly tells him to get out before he stinks up the place. The mushroom looks taken aback and asks “Why? I’m a funghi!”

What do reindeers say before they tell you a joke? This one is going to sleigh you!

Why do pilgrims pants always fall down? Because they wear their belt buckles on their heads!

70% of the Earth is water, and virtual none of it is carbonated. So yes, the earth is flat!

My friends think I’m a magician. Little do they know, I have some Twix up my sleeve!

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market!

Tanner - I used to wonder why frisbees looked bigger the closer they got to me. Then it hit me!

I was in a debate for looping variable namings; i won!

A couple broke up in a gym... they clearly didn't workout!

Did you know people are born with 4 kidneys? It's just when they grow up, two turn into two adult knees!

Yesterday I spotted and albino Dalmatian... it was the least I could do!

Why should you always knock before opening the refrigerator? There might be salad dressing inside!

What do you call a dog with no legs? Nothing, it won't come anyways!

How did Pavlov get his hair so soft? Conditioning!

What do you call a paper airplane that doesn't fly? Stationary!

Why did the dad tell a joke? To get to the other sigh...

A man threw a block of cheese at me at the super market... how dairy!

A mime broke his left arm in a bar fight and was arrested. He has the right to remain silent!

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4k? HD am I!

What sort of font do they use for the letters in Alphabet Soup? Times New Ramen!